Week 2-4 Subby and Silence
I have definitely made some breakthroughs this week! Boy has it been a challenge. It is so interesting how tough it can be to break the cycle of what the subby thinks is good. But we have spent years proving that our habits are good and that we should do them at all cost. So really we shouldn’t be surprised at just how tough it is to change a habit that the subby is protecting so strongly.
I have always had a challenge with reading. Not sure why….after all I buy books all of the time. Crazy that someone would buy books all of the time even when they are not a “reader”. I don’t know why I do it. My point is that doing my daily readings of the scrolls has always in the past 3 sessions, been a challenge for me. And this time around it isn’t any different. Well, the challenging part isn’t different, but what is different is my burning desire.
I have always had my DMP very clear in my mind, but the burning desire part was one that perhaps wasn’t as burning as I thought it was. I say this because while I always wanted many things to be different in my life, I hadn’t actually made the change in habits to make that happen.
This time around, my burning desire is that even though I lost my only son Cliff to suicide in May of 2005, I will be a grandma any day now♥ That is a story in and of itself, but let’s just say that when you have grieved for years about not only the loss of your only child, but also that you would never be a grandma, being blessed with my little Jayden is all I can think about.♥
I must make changes in my life. You see, she lives in Boise ID and I in California. I am leaving next Tuesday to travel to Boise ID in the hopes that while I am there over the 2 weeks I am in Boise ID, she will be born and I can spend some quality bonding time with her. I actually picture rocking her in her bedroom in the quiet dark room, and her Grandma Sarah, my dear friend to whom we lost to cancer in 2011, is present with us♥
The thought of leaving her is already breaking my heart and I haven’t even met her yet. I must get everything in place so I can replace my day job with a business that gives me the ability to travel. I will not miss the only opportunity I will have to experience the joy of being a grandma♥
So as I pushed myself harder and harder this week, it was so upsetting that I was still struggling to get my daily sit in….and there was always something that would keep me from doing my readings. And then, it finally clicked within me. You see, I know from experience that everything is in the silence. And yet I wasn’t doing my daily sit and readings. But I broke through! I got a sit in and wept as so much was revealed to me. My wish, my new obsession was to do this daily sit no matter what. A few days it didn’t actually happen in the morning, but I got it in during the day. Which is so funny, because in the past any or all of my missed readings were actually at the noon hour. I work crazy and non stop and this was my excuse in the past. Well no longer. Some days my readings didn’t happen until almost the end of the day, but it was after my meal/lunch and I got it in.
I am so thrilled to have achieved these observations and also broken through the subby controlling my actions. I know this is not a time to get relaxed. In fact I must continue to press on. I know that everything I need, want, desire, is in the silence. So I have made it an obsession, one that I absolutely cannot miss!
Much more is becoming clear as to how and what I need to do to fulfill this immediate need to replace my current day job. I am good at what I do, and love the people I work with. But it has served its purpose to me and it is time to move into the next chapter of my life.
How could I not be completely thrilled to have such an awareness…..it gives me new energy and the push I need to get through each and every day without doing something to move me closer to this achievement.
I am so blessed to be on this journey, and only wish more of my friends and loved ones would hop on board and get all they want out of life as well♥
Onto the next week of this amazing journey…..so fun to share it to the world as I make it through to the next breakthrough♥
See you all next week!
Priscilla L Brooks, Entrepreneur at Heart♥